It's the week before Holy Week, a couple of days before Palm Sunday. There are moments when I feel so anxious about this transition time in my life--when I am so used to the rhythm and the cycle of the church year--of the Lenten reflection time moving and pushing us toward Good Friday and eventually Easter Sunday. About a year ago I was beginning to live into a long Good Friday. It was time for me to let go and follow God in the ways that God has called me and created me. It was time to let go of what I thought was secure and safe and follow--just take up my cross and follow. It has been a month of Good Fridays--falling down and falling a part and feeling lifeless in so many ways. But God is good, God is always good and faithful, even when I am not. And I have cried out in the back yard of the coffee shop dragging some huge trash bag full of coffee out to the dump, "My God My God have you forsaken me?" And I know that God has not--it's that I have closed my eyes to the Grace of God in that moment--God is always making a way--for me and for us. Sometimes the way doesn't look or feel or seem like I want it to, or remembered it--but it is God's way-for me and it is right.
I think about the people in my life right now and they are not the same people that were there a year ago. I miss those folks at St. Paul, everyday I do ( thankfully some are still in my life--it makes sense.) But there are new people that God has brought into my life--people that drink coffee and have families and jobs and responsibilities and are searching for something more to this life. And somehow I get to be a part of that--somehow I am blessed to hear their stories. The coffee shop is safe place--a place to be together or to be quiet (well sometimes) but it is about the Gathering of this Kirkwood community and surrounding neighborhoods--it is about the Gathering of good people and that is enough.
I am grateful to be where I am right now--I am unsteady, but certain that I don't have to can't be steady all by myself. Susan is a rock--a rock star every day. Friends are incredible and encouraging. I struggle with some relationships that feel very rocky and unsure but believe that God will take care of us.
Easter is coming--most of all I know that. And we will gather as a community of faith--as a community of people reaching out to a loving and living God believing that God is there--that Jesus has given us life--abundant and true and real. I pray there will be folks who attend this service and get a glimpse of God--kind and full of justice and celebrating diversity and offering forgiveness and grace. I pray that the little ones will be there running around filling their baskets and giggling--I do miss those little ones at St. Paul.
Sometimes, honestly I do find myself with heavy bag FULL of trash on my way to the dumpster thanking God for all that is--for my life--the good the bad the ugly--mostly that I am an Easter person--we are Easter people--always.